I'm tired. I've been tired for months!! Have you ever felt exhausted even after getting 8 hours of sleep a night? It's as if my body is not acknowledging the fact that I've slept! This is the kind of exhaustion that I call "The Burnout of Life". It doesn't matter how much sleep I get or downtime that I take - I AM EXHAUSTED!!

This week at work I was given the task of training someone on a client that I have been working since the day I started. I enjoy working for this client as they fill my day with something to do. Sadly, this client is being handed over to someone else on my team. My manager advised me to sit with this person to show them how to label and list items for reporting even though everything I do is written in detailed instructions (by me). I enjoy training and my manager likes the way I train (her words). However, after “trying” to train this person, I am no longer willing to train another Gen Zer. Nope! Not gonna happen!

Manners - "a person's outward bearing or way of behaving toward others" or "polite or well-bred social behavior"

In today's day and age, for some, it is not uncommon to have some mental health disorder. Mine is ADHD. I have struggled with this my whole life but only got diagnosed 2 years ago. When I was around 6 years old my parents took me to a doctor to be tested for ADD. According to this doctor there was nothing wrong with me except behavioral issues and advised my parents to just discipline me more. My first-grade teacher, Mrs. Mohler, asked my parents if they ever spanked me, in which they replied, "all the time". So, now when I was disobedient or "acting out" I received spankings. I would have issues holding in my anger. I cried with every emotion I felt. My parents became angry with me and would send me to my room every time! These punishments continued to happen until I was too old to spank. I continued to have emotional, attitudinal, and behavioral issues. This caused strain in my relationship with my parents and at the old age of 22 I moved out. There is a lot more that happened throughout my growing up but that will need to be written in my memoires. The synopsis is that I was bullied and made fun of for my crying. I learned to eat my feelings. By the time I was 13 I was wearing a woman's size 22 and weighed 250 pounds. I continued eating my feelings and at 42 I weighed 410 pounds. 

Oh, it's got me down with the sickness! Its that time of year again where I get sick! It always happens near my birthday. I don't know why I am surprised.

Somedays are easy. Some days are hard, and some days I feel just aren't worth the energy. I am 46 years old and always felt different. Two years ago, I was tired of feeling like the different one and decided to talk to a doctor to find out what was wrong with me. After several tests and talking with a psychiatrist, turns out I have ADHD. 

This year is not going to plan!